3 Things I’m Learning From 3 Years of Marriage

Just like life, marriage is a never-ending growing process. It is a humbling journey, making me a better person every day. In order to become a better person, though, it’s necessary to have the difficult conversations and hand over our flaws to God.

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In honor of Duncan and I celebrating our third wedding anniversary last week, I wanted to share 3 things I’ve been learning throughout our marriage the past 3 years (and I’m sure I’ll continue to learn and have to grow in).

  1. Expectations are so dangerous. I can’t tell you how often I’ve built up expectations in my mind and failed to communicate them to Duncan. Every single time it has led to frustration and disappointment, both of which were totally avoidable had I simply communicated. I can’t reiterate the importance of communication enough in any relationship, especially marriage.
  2. It is critical to humble ourselves and admit when we are wrong. I have a super hard time with this, because I hate being told I’m wrong… in school I never once missed turning in an assignment and never turned in an assignment or test with a blank space, because I did not want to leave any room for a teacher to get onto me. I got the best grades I possibly could, because I didn’t want to get a single question wrong. Yes, it is important to work our hardest on everything we do, but it becomes a problem when our motives aren’t right. And this has played into my marriage, in the form of me having trouble simply admitting when I am wrong and not wanting to apologize. God has been using Duncan, though, to open my eyes to the value of correction. We’re never going to grow without being stretched, corrected, and humbled.
  3. Live in the now, but never stop dreaming together. Happiness is something you have to choose NOW (not, “Things will be so much better in 3 years when my husband is finished with school,” or “We’ll be so much happier when we live in our dream location”). This is something I fall prey to, but life is so, so much better when we choose happiness now. With that being said, it’s crucial to never stop dreaming, either. Some of my favorite conversations with Duncan are about our top 3 destinations we’d want to live, where our current dream vacation would be, how many children we want to have, etc. It is the best being married to someone who challenges you to be happy (truly joyful) now, but who is also willing to dream big with you.

Thank you, Dunc, for 3 wonderful year of companionship, teamwork, and growing together!

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Always and forever,

Alex

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